Humberto

Sorry that I didn't post up anything for what turned out to be Hurricane Humberto. This thing started as a low pressure area off the coast of Galveston in the Gulf which was to bring showers to the Houston area in front of an approaching cool front. The thing just sat out there and was elevated to tropical storm status later in the day. Here in Seabrook, we had winds 12-15 KTS from the east and Northeast and a few showers, but nothing much else. All day long that storm just sat offshore and hardly moved which was reminiscent of tropical storm Allison a few years ago that wound up dumping about 45" of rain over a few days. Later in the evening, probably after 10PM, Humberto started moving north and the winds elevated its status to a Cat 1 hurricane. I think a Cat 1 will blow your hat off if you don't hold on to it, but like all others, the real issue if rain and not wind. I think it finally went ashore up around Sabine Lake although some damage was reported on Boliver Peninsula around High Island - how you could tell if there was damage from the storm up there I do not know since it looks about the same to me as it usually does. Anyhow, there was hardly any rain here in Seabrook as this was a very compact storm. The good news is that the press was completely asleep at the switch and hardly even had a chance to tell us we were all going to die and all their usual hype. They even had to put their reporterettes in puddles made with garden hoses and blow their hair with fans to make it look like it was even raining. Of course, the post storm hype has more than made up for their negligence on the front end of this one - I think they even finally found someone deceased that they could blame on the storm. Next time I'll try to do a little better job of getting some radar shots up and stuff. More later.

Raising Chupacabras for Fun and Profit

I've been doing a little research lately on the Chupacabra, or the spanish "goatsucker" which feeds off the bodily liquids of various animals, emptying them of all liquid while leaving the rest of the carcass in tact. Rumors and myths abound about this mysterious little demon, and while some claim that it does not exist at all, others swear that they have seen them and the devastating results that they leave behind, especially in agricultural settings where valuable livestock are found dead having no marks or apparent cause of death other than the complete absence of bodily fluids. No blood anywhere, and yet a dead, drained carcass - how else could it happen? You can Google up all kinds of information on the little rascals, but the one thing you can't find on Google, or e-Bay, or Amazon, or anywhere else but here, is the source of your very own supply of Chupacabras that you can raise in your own yard. In addition to providing a source for the elusive little guys, you will be provided with tips and suggestions that can provide entertainment throughout the night time hours and ways to profit nicely from your investment.

We must admit that this was looking to be a "stretch" as a business venture because of the absence of suitable breeding, nursery, and laboratory facilities, but believe it or not, the perfect solution to our prayers came up when some dog kennels in the Atlanta area came available on the market a few weeks ago. Now these are state of the art dog kennels, with all the aminities required to run this operation in a class A manner, so we snapped it right up. As soon as the Feds and the lawyers are through with their photographs and forensic work, we should be able to take possession and get started. Chupacabras like to be outdoors, but they do not breed naturally in captivity, so artificial insemination is the logical choice here. They do OK in a social communal type living environment, but the individual pens available here make for more varied and specialized development to meet a wider variety of needs or requirements. I'll have more on this offer later - gotta take a break.

The facility mentioned above allows for proper breeding and nursery care, but the end product is being offered for sale to you, the individual investor/livestock raising public. There have been many "flash in the pan" operations in the past such as ostrich eggs, emus, exotic game animals, etc. that have promised get rich quick opportunities, but none has ever come along with such can't miss opportunity as this deal. First, there is virtually no expense required once you purchase your initial supply of chupacabra adolescents. At the adolescent stage, the chupees are ready to start hunting and feeding on their own, but they still like to spend the day bedded down at their home base. A little shade, maybe some kennels or doghouses, and they are at home. During the night, they roam the neighborhood cleaning up rodents, stray pets, and other readily available sources of precious bodily fluids for nourishment - ergo, no pesky feed bills to deal with. These lovable little creatures are always home by dawn - they are very territorial and adapt to "home" quickly - and safely tucked away in their little hideaways to sleep away the hot summer days. Even better is that when they sleep it's almost as if they had gone into hibernation. They can be picked up, moved. examined, medicated, or whatever may be required and they never wake up. The same cannot be said for their night time condition. Once they are relocated to new quarters, they quickly adapt to their new surroundings and within a single night call their new location home. This feature is important when be begin to discuss the virtually unlimited revenue a properly managed, small nest of these creatures can generate.

Now, unlike some of the other "livestock" scams such as buying emu eggs and hatching out your own herd, the Chupacabra Investment Plan ("Chip" for short) requires only that you be prepared to maintain your small herd or nest or whatever you prefer to call them, be able to move around a little, perhaps invest in some bling bling, costumes, or other novel ideas to draw attention to your self as somewhat of a crackpot or eccentric personalty, and perhaps a couple of offshore bank accounts to stash all the cash that will be landing on your doorstep.

While I have painted a pretty little picture of these adorable little creatures, full disclosure requires some description of their night time activities. First, they are vicious and dangerous. They are actively seeking food and will attack anything that they come into contact with that offers a meal. Some very large dogs may be able to fend them off, but anything smaller or less protective is a prospective meal. Therefore, while they are harmless during the day, these creatures require you to lock all your doors and windows at night to prevent unauthorized access, if you know what I mean. You might consider reinforced protection at strategic ingress/egress locations in your home to prevent accidental incursion inside your abode.

Enough of the suspense - how do you make money, you ask. Well, here's the fun and profitable part. Many people of various ethnic backgrounds believe that the Chupacabra is some sort of demon sent by the devil to create chaos and evil. Others believe that they are just wild dogs or something like that, while still others do not even believe that they exist. In order to fully realize on your investment, the trick is to play on the natural fears of the people you wish to exploit. For example, you might take a picture of one of your animals, photoshop it a little, and show it around the neighborhood, telling the natives that it is a lost pet and that you are offering a reward for its return; while casually suggesting that they do not approach it if they see it due to its rather explosive personality. This suggests to the community that there is of course, one of these demons loose in the area. After a few nights of feeding, people are bound to notice the drained carcasses of varmits and pets littering the neighborhood, and there should logically develop some discussion about the apparent cause. Having stirred the pot a little, you can even grant interviews or plant stories in neighborhood newspapers or other media about the effects of a demon on the loose at night in the area. Eventually, the public will get to a publicity starved hound local public leader (elected or otherwise) and the demand for public investigations and a stop to all this madness will develop and evolve. By now, you've come close to hitting the jackpot - all you have to do is to get those public coffers to open up a little bit, and bingo, you're off to the races.

Typically, you may wish to approach the self-proclaimed "hero" in this circumstance, such a the local councilman or other public leader and offer him a solution to the problem, sort of like the "Pied Piper" subject to of course payment of a substantial fee. While he may initially reject you, do not give up. All you need to do is to turn up the heat a little in the area, and soon he will come calling on you, at which time of course you will advise him that the price of curing this little problem has gone up substantially. By this time, he will have realized that: (1) His public image is suffering (2) He appears helpless to do anything about it (3) It's not his money he's dealing with anyway, (4) There is a chance he could pull his chestnuts out of the fire, and (5) As the ultimate problem solver, he will be re-elected for as long as he wants even if he never does anything else. In other words, just name your price. Upon receipt of confirmation of the deposit in your offshore accounts of the agreed sums, you either wait until daylight, pack up your remaining animals, and move on to another location somewhat distant from the present one; or, you just abandon your remaining animals knowing full well that they will continue to wreak havoc for a while longer until they eventually expire from natural causes or other encounters. Now how much simpler can it get? Our projections show that in order to maximize your profit, each field exercise may take up to 1 year to complete, which corresponds with the anticipated natural lifespan of an animal anyway.

A few other housekeeping matters:

The animals shipped to you will all be males, and there will be no chance of reproduction or "growing your own." The reproductive process in captivity is cumbersome and offers very little chance of success without a sophisticated lab and nursery set up such as that which we have acquired. Thus, you will have to periodically restock your business with additional purchases from our firm near Atlanta, so once again you can see where our own best interest is served when we have satisfied customers.

The life expectancy of these animals is about 1 year assuming no complications. Some may be killed in numerous ways including transportation, or in working the streets at night they may get shot or killed by dogs, etc. There are no warranties, expressed or implied, about the life expectancy of these animals other than they will be in good health when shipped from our facilities to you. We aim to develop a good relationship with you, the buying public, and will work with you to be fair in resolving any disputes that may develop, frankly because we expect you be be very rich in short order and want to cash in on our little share of the pot, or "get our beak wet also" so to speak.

Due to the somewhat delicate nature of these operations, we do not wish to provide any financing on your purchases. All sales are for cash (figuratively speaking of course - in actuality we expect a wire transfers to our offshore accounts - a practice we will introduce you to as part of your initial training package for your own accounts). We may from time to time offer special incentives such as buy 5 get 1 free, etc. Our initial studies indicate that the optimum herd size for a "one man operation" is 3 to 5 animals. Should you have some early successes, you may wish to expand you operations, and we do offer in house, classroom training on a fee based system for our customers and their designees.

Additional information will be forthcoming at this site in the near future. In the interim, get to work on that business plan and start saving for your initial investment. Infamy and fortune are just waiting for you to get started.